lockjessie

I wish I don't have to go to school anymore because there is nothing to look forward to anymore.

Yes, I admit that I wished Darling was in the same school and class as me. But if I knew he were to be here, I would neglect my friends and lose them gradually because I know I will be sticking by his side all day long. But now, it's not that I'm jealous of them or anything, just that they make me feel like I'm in their way. When I'm not there, they are able to talk. When I'm there, they don't talk at all. They make me feel like I'm their lightbulb, that I don't belong there, that I shouldn't even be there.

It's unlike with Jiahui and Seong. They talk to me, Jiahui talks to me, seong talks to me too. We have common topics to talk about, and they don't leave me out. But in this case right now, it's different. They make me feel like I'm hindering them.

He can't leave her for even a minute. They miust sit together, go school together, and go home together. She used to sit in a different row from them, with me, if the row of computers can't accomodate all 6 people to be sitting in a row. Now, I'm made to sit outside the row, and it makes me feel like an extra.

Now that I have only one girl-friend in class because the rest are all guys, I can't even share my stuffs with, stuffs that I do not wish people other than my own best girl friends to know, because someone will always be there, whether it's on the way to school, in school, during lunch, or even on the way home. Hey, I'm not transparent alright? Can't they atleast think about me?

Anyway, I'm not afraid of letting you all know or afraid that either of you reads. Because this is how I feel, and this is MY blog, where I say whatever I want. I don't like it this way, means I don't like it.

Damn this year.