Not the same anymore.

Haiz. I dunno what's happening to me. I dunno what I'm thinking. I dunno what I want. Been having bad dreams lately, every single day. And I can't get to sleep at night. Then cannot sleep well. Usually weekends I will be preparing to go to his house at this time. Go his house either do my own work or just slack. But now it's not the same anymore. I don't like to stay at home, thats why his home has become my second home already. Now I wanna do my work, but dunno where to go. Dunno who to find. Everything is just not the same anymore.

Memories indeed seem to make things look better.

Since I dunno how long ago I have been telling myself not to be so thick skinned and continue taking the initiative to go find him no matter how much I miss him since it doesn't matter to him whether he sees me or not. But I always cannot last for long. I cannot control myself. I cannot control my feelings. I will miss him alot alot alot. I run to him everytime, no matter I'm happy, angry or sad. I'm used to have him for my everything that I have totally lost myself, cos I find myself needing him alot alot alot.

But does he need me at all? Yes? No? Because I feel that even without me, he can still live his life as usual. Now that we have problems, we have quarrels, our relationship is unstable, he still plays his games as usual, he is still going out with his friend later on as usual. How to convince me that he really needs me? I just feel so insignificant and unimportant to him. Sometimes I even feel that I have never ever walked into his heart before. He doesn't tell me how he feels or what he thinks. I find that prolly I have never understood him. Because he doesn't open up his heart to me.

My heart really damn pain. I feel like tearing myself apart. But does he know? Will he ever know anot?