Home alone,

Family's out, getting PSP for the spoilt brat. I don't wanna go. Call me jealous, petty, whatever you want. I can't believe how bias they can be.

Complain J stuck to the computer screen. Complain J doesn't do homework. Complain J only know how to play. Now? Complain com too lousy for J (desktop is very old already). Complain mum doesn't allow J to go out. Complain J no com to use nothing to do already. So want to get a PSP for him. Everything also she say. I really don't understand.

I've been talking about how much I want it since a couple of months ago, they know it. I've been asking them to top up about a hundred bucks for me to get it after I sell my handphone, they refuse to. "This kinda thing no use one" or "You so old already still want for what" Then J is still 13 years old, what does he need it for? He has a desktop for himself (although it's kinda lousy but still a desktop for himself at 13) and an xbox, a gameboy advance which is still quite new and a new handphone. What do I have when I was 13? "You already have a laptop what" Yes, I have a laptop. But if it wasn't because I'd need it for school, would you have got it for me?

"He lost his father at a young age" Then must spoil him meh? I too, lost my father at a young age (although not as young as him but still young what) Then who's going to dote on me and replace the father love? Nobody.

In other words, Jackie and Elsie are the only ones they need. It has been this way ever since young. I'm stuck in the middle, with nothing. Everything I do, is wrong to them. They can only see my their good. Even if they are not good, to them they are still good. As long as you have a penis, you'll be good to them. So I regret deeply that I wasn't born with a penis.

Now I really wish my brother hadn't came into this world. To whoever that's reading, I bet you must be thinking I'm so cold blooded, petty, calculating, sore, whatever it is. I don't give a damn, because you're not me. I always wished I could be a better sister, I always felt bad because I didn't get him birthday gifts. But how do they treat me? I know, we shouldn't ask for anything in return when being good to others. But being my younger brother he doesn't even have the basic respect for me, his elder sister, how can I even make myself be good to him? Never mind what. He's getting his PSP, he has everything he wants. And even if he doesn't ask for anything, he'd still get everything.

At this very minute, I just wish someone can be with me.
Mr. Boyfriend, where are you?