temperature rising

i think i have a fever. 20 minutes ago i took my temperature and it was 37.7 before i took my dinner. no wonder i felt so cold the whole day. i dont think its just the air con. i alr felt unwell in the afternoon. and even though i have a fever, no one cares!

when i was hospitalized on sunday, wonder why i called my sis and not my mom? she better ask herself that question. why something so big and serious happen to her daughter and didnt think of informing the mother first. well, as if anything will be done if i told her? see, when i had to be hospitalized for 24 hours, she didnt even visit me. neither did she call or say anything or tell my sis to convey any message. even darling's mom AND DAD bothered to visit me. even darling's sis whom im not very close with AND her bf whom im even LESS closer with, came to visit me. its not out of courtesy. its because i meant something to darling and them. even if its out of courtesy, my own mother didnt have the courtesy to come down and show her face. i dont even know what to answer when people/friends/colleagues ask if i had my family with me.

and now that my temp rised up to 37.7 she didnt even give a shit? not only did she not give a damn about it, she even yell at the top of her voice for no good reason. like, kicking up a big fuss out of nothing and behaving like a mad bitch. well, its okay if you dont wanna give flying fucks to me or my health condition, just dont behave like a mad bitch and scream at me for whatever reason you have or because of your own bad mood or whatsoever. im not for you to vent your anger, neither am i born here to suffer under your hands and im not obligated to listen/accept and watch your nonsense. i also dont know how to answer when people ask why is my mother like that or what kinda mother is that. because i really dont know. i have no idea too. tell me, how is she a mother?

i really wish i can move out. like immediately and forever.